Adam pulled his He-Man sword down from the top shelf of his closet. It was Halloween and he needed a costume. Because Halloween shows are always free with a costume. Adam hated Halloween. But everyone loves free shows. So.

Maybe I should write a short film about this He-Man sword, he told Michelle. The sword could represent me, as I am wielded by divers people in divers situations for divers purposes.

So you feel like a tool.

No. Adam bit his lip. I mean, I dunno.

Michelle said, You should make a movie where people talk to each other. People talk to each other in real life, you know. Like us. We’re talking right now. You never film stuff like that.

People don’t talk to each other. They talk at each other. You’re talking at me and I’m talking at you. We’re just saying what we think. At each other. Which doesn’t mean anything, really.

That’s true, Michelle said. Everybody’s talking at me.

Adam swung the sword in her direction. It smacked the ceiling fan. He laid the sword on his bed. He didn’t know what to do with his hands.

Michelle hummed that Harry Nilsson song. Everybody’s talking at me, she sung. She walked around, swaying her hips. I can’t hear a word they’re say-ing.

There’s more to life than relationships, you know.

Like what?

Cake, he said. Cake is more than real life. Cake is fantastic. Cake is surreal. Science fiction is cake. Adam looked around. I’m hungry.

Michelle stopped humming. She picked up the He-Man sword and turned it on. Flashing red and green, it played the He-Man song. She smacked Adam on the head.

He fell on the hardwood floor and played dead. She crawled up his legs and undid his belt buckle.

Adam asked, What are you doing? I’m dead. You are sick. This is sick.

Michelle flipped her hair from her eyes and said, I always wanted to fuck He-man. She pulled down his pants. He laid back and stared at the ceiling fan, still turning very slowly, like in every noir film ever.

She spit on his dick. Running her hand up and down, she looked up at him. He looked down at her. Adam said, Mumblecore is stupid.

Michelle paused, stopped herself from saying something, smiled and said, You know what Adam? I’m not going to slob your snob anymore.

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